


I Just Need Everyone And Then Some

by webelongtogetheralways



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Mentions of Cancer, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webelongtogetheralways/pseuds/webelongtogetheralways
Summary: Set directly after the episode that aired on Friday, 28th of February.Bit of an emotional rollercoaster from a few different perspectives as they both come to terms with Vanessa’s diagnosis.TW/ cancer
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69





	I Just Need Everyone And Then Some

Charity knew she’d messed up - majorly messed up. 

She was still glued to the bottom of the stairs minutes later, frozen to the spot as Vanessa's last words to her repeat over and over again in her head, filling her with utter dread at the mere thought of spending the rest of her life without her.

Charity was definitely no stranger to those around her whom she loved being sick or dying but this was something else entirely. Vanessa has cancer. The love of her life has stage three bowel cancer. The local vet who has made Charity need her has stage three bowel cancer and it’s spreading. 

As much as Charity knows that Vanessa needs her more than ever right now, she has never felt more helpless and hopeless in her entire life and she hates herself for it. 

Growing up, whenever she found herself in a situation, usually a bad one, she always thought that she must have done something to deserve it. This was up until Vanessa came into her life and all she felt for months was the opposite; that she didn’t deserve Vanessa, she was too tainted for Vanessa.

Vanessa has never done anything bad to deserve any of this. She didn’t deserve her dad dying right in front of her, she didn’t deserve Kerry and Amy getting away with his death without his blood on their hands, she didn’t deserve being stood up at their secret wedding, she didn’t deserve being kidnapped by a murderous rapist and tortured for two weeks alongside Johnny whilst everyone was under the impression they were in Paris, she doesn’t deserve to be diagnosed with stage three bowel cancer and she definitely doesn’t deserve being stuck with Charity as a support system when she can’t even be near her since she found out.

Charity isn’t cut out for this no matter how many people tell her she is because if she’s completely honest, she’s completely terrified and the only person she wants to talk about it to is Vanessa but she can’t so instead she finds herself going back to her old ways; she’s trying to escape. 

She doesn’t want to escape Vanessa and their relationship, she wants to do anything but. In fact, all she wants is Vanessa, forever and the knowledge that their future is now uncertain due to something that nobody can fully control has her in complete and utter turmoil and she would do absolutely anything to be able to take Vanessa’s pain away and go through it instead because Vanessa doesn’t deserve any of this.

She wants to drink, she wants to forget, she wants everything to go back to how it was when she turned around and saw how beautiful her bride looked on their wedding day that never happened which again, was her fault. 

She wants to drink, but she won’t. She’s not running from what she’s feeling anymore and that’s a promise she’s been trying to make to herself ever since Bails got sent down and she’ll be damned if she ever lets anything get ahold of her so tightly again, especially cancer.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vanessa reaches their bedroom and the only thing she can focus on is how everything just aches; her heart feeling heavier than her limbs. 

The thought of having to go through this without Charity by her side was something that played on her mind at all hours of the day and the only thing that scared her more than going through cancer was going through cancer alone. She knows she wouldn’t truly be alone, she has Rhona, Tracy and the kids but it’s not the same.

Charity is strong, she knows this. However, she also knows that Charity’s love for her runs so deep that the thought of losing her is probably destroying Charity more than she’s letting on. 

Vanessa needs her though, she needs her now more than ever and her patience is wearing thin. 

Vanessa likes being in control, a ‘control-freak’ as Charity likes to remind her from time to time when she leaves the warmth of their bed to go downstairs and get everything ready for the boys and Sarah before they head off to school. Yet, Vanessa has never felt less in control of anything in her entire life. 

The thing with cancer is that it’s not something visible to the human eye, instead, it grows inside of you and you can’t do anything about it except wait for the doctors to try their best to treat you. Cancer doesn’t let you be in control, instead it controls you.

Last night, Charity had avoided sleeping next to her so instead of being able to focus on the gentle snores coming from her fiancée which usually lull her to sleep, every time she closed her eyes, all she could think about was Johnny. Every single milestone such as Johnny’s first day at school up until Johnny moving up into the juniors and then onto secondary school raced through her mind until it exhausted her enough that she eventually crashed out until she woke again at 7:30 am; the space next to her still ice cold. 

Now here she is, lying on top of their bed unable to stop the tears from falling from her eyes no matter how hard she tries. She has to pry her phone out of her own hands as she remembers that the doctor said ‘not to google’ which is all she seems to be doing during her waking hours ever since she got home. 

Pierce’s words are running through her head at a mile a minute and she wants to scream at the thought of that man having any more control over her. 

So she does. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of Vanessa’s scream penetrates Charity’s ears immediately and it successfully breaks her out of her mind-numbingly morbid train of thought. 

Within seconds, she bolts up the stairs from where she was sat with her head between her knees at the bottom of them and launches herself onto the floor in front of Vanessa; her body wracked with sobs.

‘Babe, what’s wrong? Has something happened? Should i call an amb-‘ 

‘I can’t die, Charity’ Vanessa cries out. 

At the distress written all over her fiancée, all Charity can do is pull her into a loving embrace and she breathes a sigh of relief when Vanessa lets her. 

Charity wishes more than anything that she could tell Vanessa she won’t die and mean it but she knows that Vanessa is right, it’s not a decision she gets to make. 

‘We’re going to fight this together, okay? I’ve only just got you back and I’m not losing you again because me and you babe, we’ve still got lots of things we’ve got to do, yeah? Beating cancer is just something extra to add to the list.’ Charity says, mostly trying to reassure her fiancée but also to try and make herself believe it just as much. 

‘How do I know you won’t leave?’ Vanessa says as she turns to make eye contact with her fiancée, trying to express her fears as much as she can.

‘Charity I can’t do this without you, I need you more than ever for me and for Johnny’. Vanessa continues; a fresh stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. 

‘I’m so sorry, Ness.’ Charity sobs as she reaches out to grab her fiancées hand. 

‘I don’t need you to be sorry, Charity. I need you to be here with me, now.’ Vanessa says with an exasperated tone. 

Charity looks up, her vision blurry from her tears and in this very moment, she see’s her. She see’s Vanessa. She doesn’t just see the cancer, she see’s her fiancée trusting her and asking her to just be with her. She feels a sense of clarity that she’s not quite sure why she hasn’t felt before. Vanessa isn’t asking her to make up for anything no matter how much guilt she still holds, she’s asking her to be here in the present and in the future, to stop living in the past and Charity feels a sense of internal peace which seems to quiet all the chaos in her mind. 

‘I’m here and I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.’ Charity says eventually, meaning every single word. 

‘I’m not going to promise because I know there is still a part of you which won’t believe me if I do.’ Charity continues, averting Vanessa’s gaze for a moment as she knows it rings true. 

‘This is me telling you, hand on heart, that I am not shying away from this anymore. No matter how much I want to pretend this isn’t happening,’ causing Vanessa to scoff, ‘I know it is, and the quicker I accept it and stop making you even more terrified, the quicker we can get you on the mend with me holding your hand through it all, okay?’ 

For the first time since she told Charity about having cancer, Vanessa feels a sense of true, honest relief that she isn’t going to be alone. 

Charity anxiously waits for a response, hoping what she said conveyed everything she meant to. Just as she’s about to ask if she believes her, Vanessa grabs the back of Charity’s neck and pulls her in for the softest kiss she thinks she’s ever experienced. 

Vanessa sighs into the kiss before pulling back for a second to brush some loose hairs behind Charity’s ear. 

‘I never told you how gorgeous you look with your new hair.’ Vanessa says with a gentle smile, although it falters slightly to which Vanessa hopes Charity missed, but she didn’t. 

‘Thanks babe,’ Charity says, placing a kiss on her lips with gratitude.

Charity pauses for a second before continuing. ‘You know, whatever happens as a result of chemo, hair or not, you’ll still be the most beautiful person in my eyes and that will never change.’ 

Vanessa visibly gulps at Charity’s words and tears start forming and threatening to spill down her cheeks which makes Charity panic that she said the wrong thing yet again. 

‘Babe I didn’t mean to upset yo-‘ 

‘You didn’t, Charity.’ Vanessa interrupts immediately , ‘I’m just.. thankful that if this had to come at a certain time in my life, that it’s come at a time where I’m loved by you and I know that Johnny will be looked after if anything is to happen to me.’ 

‘Always.’ Charity reassures. 

‘I know we’re not married yet, and trust me I am kicking myself more than ever for that, but in sickness and in health yeah, babe?’ She continues, ‘I promise that Johnny will always be part of this family and we will get him any support he needs if it comes to it, and I don’t just mean about the kidnapping, I mean about anything.’ 

With that, Vanessa pulls Charity towards her again and stifles a yawn in the crook of her neck. 

Charity lets out a small chuckle and Vanessa thinks it’s her favourite sound.  
‘I think that signals it’s time for you to get some kip, don’t you reckon babe?’ 

‘Stay with me?’ Vanessa asks with hope in her voice, but stays facing her neck for the fear of rejection.

‘Try and stop me, babe.’ Charity replies, already feeling the emotions building up inside of her again so fights hard to suppress them. 

They let go of each other just so they can manoeuvre themselves comfortably with Charity pressed against Vanessa’s back and they don’t bother getting changed just yet.

With one hand stroking Vanessa’s hair and another gently positioned across Vanessa’s hip, laced in her hand, Charity assumes that she’d drifted off to sleep.

‘I love you so much, Ness.’ Charity whispers as she drops a kiss to the back of her neck. 

As Charity lets her eyes close, she hears a murmured ‘I love you’ come from her fiancée and it makes her heart beat a whole lot faster and hold on to Vanessa a little bit tighter. 

Their future may not be certain and she’s not naive so she’s more than aware that they should be prepared for more hurdles along the way, but deep down in Charity’s stomach, she’s confident that Vanessa and their beautiful blended family will come out the other side stronger than ever. That is something which Charity knows they all deserve.


End file.
